I am being driven forward
Into an unknown land.
The pass grows steeper,
The air colder and sharper.
A wind from my unknown goal
Stirs the strings
Of expectation.

Still the question:
Shall I ever get there?
There where life resounds,
A clear pure note
In the silence.

(Dag Hammarskjöld, "Markings")

It is odd how some things come to be or how some things come about. I started this homepage back in April of 1997, not only as a creative outlet, but also to share my past (childhood) experiences, which led me to sharing some of my more recent experiences as an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse.

I wanted to help. However small my contribution was, I wanted to help. And I wanted to write. It was a good release for me. It was also, as they say, cathartic.

Pilgrim. I hadn't heard -- or read, rather -- that word in such a long time. But there it was. Fellow pilgrims. This has also been a journey of faith. Did I know that when I started writing those first pages? Did I even have an inkling of what was to come? I knew that my Catholic faith played a part in it. It always has, wherever I am. But I don't think I realised -- or I wasn't prepared for -- the depth of it. It goes down deep into myself. And I'm glad it does. I am a cradle Catholic. I never walked away from the faith of my childhood and youth but I did get lazy. Only recently did I discover that there is such a thing as an ongoing conversion. There was a time when sloth set in. These days, I am rediscovering my faith and I am glad for it.

This website first starts out as a blank canvas and it is up to me to fill it with illustrations from my past and present. I have never been much of an artist so I illustrate it with words instead. And this is my way of sharing my experiences as an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse. To borrow a paragraph from the original website, "But I would loathe for anyone to go 'Not another one!' or 'Not that again!' Let's face it, childhood sexual abuse exists, it always has. And with the way the world is, it will always exist. That is my view on it, anyway." And that is still my view, hence the existence of this website. Even after having said all that, the focus isn't always on my childhood sexual abuse experiences. There are scars, to be sure, and memories. And, of course, the questions. About all sorts of things.

If you have visited before (prior to July 2004), you will notice that this is a much scaled-down version of This Child's Journey. It is as if I am beginning all over again but I am actually continuing where I left off. It's an ongoing journey, after all. The old pages have been put aside, waiting to be published, and I very much hope to share that good news with you one day, for that would also be a part of the journey.

New pages will be added over time and you will find the index of pages below under the heading “Journey On ... . You will also find the navigation at the top and bottom of each page which uses this interface. If you visit the "story" pages (listed under "Journey On..."), you can always return to this Home page to help you find your way.

The What's New page lists any new pages or any other additions or changes made to the website.

The About page tells a little bit about TCJ's history, behind-the-scenes, if you will.

The Links page is a hodge-podge of links, not necessarily having anything to do with childhood sexual abuse. Some of it, yes, but not all.

The Diary page is an entrance page to a separate URL that holds old entries written during a time when I thought that I wanted to share more of myself on a regular basis. And in so doing, I felt safer in a way, as I would only give out the private URL to those who specifically requested it. There aren't that many entries but I still like the idea of having those pages online.

Vermeer's Painting tells the story behind the previous splash page which was darker and had a certain mood to it. I absolutely loved it. I wanted a way to keep the image within this website somehow so I had to devote a page to it.

Lily Springs details a little story behind the second custom splash page design, using Diane Rooney's lovely digital artwork.

Departing Swans used a beautiful design by Jaguarwoman which I absolutely adored until I decided that this web site was in need of another makeover, for I was entering another phase of my life.

This entire body of work is once again housed under thischildsjourney.com. Thank you, God.

The evolution of This Child's Journey. I've always liked the sound of that. We'll see where the road leads us. Thank you for visiting.

- M. Browning, Revised July 31, 2016


"... have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."

(Rainer Maria Rilke, "Letters To A Young Poet")

Then the LORD said, "Go outside and stand on the mountain before the LORD; the LORD will be passing by." A strong and heavy wind was rending the mountains and crushing rocks before the LORD--but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake--but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake there was fire--but the LORD was not in the fire. After the fire there was a tiny whispering sound. When he heard this, Elijah hid his face in his cloak and went and stood at the entrance of the cave.

1 Kings 19:11-13

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